Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Red and Blue Pills

I was only speaking about my life and its state of being Jell-O not too long ago when funny events started aligning themselves as if the gods are teasing me. I was already beginning to accept my place and status of "staying put" as I firmly believed that I was being prepared for something bigger that was bound to happen sooner or later. When people say that there is always something in store around the corner, we never really know how far off this corner is. Little did I know that my corner was literally just around the corner.

Over the past couple of weeks that I have been absent from cyberspace and this blog, the universe was busy pouring mischief, confusion, reflections and delight on me -- a mixed bag of emotions indeed. A good friend involved me in an almost complex recruitment process that I was taking lightly and partly in humor. Sure, I was looking for a change in my life but nothing so massive that I was willing to give up my security and fringe benefits in my current job. I went in with the mindset that I may potentially bag an offer that I can slap back to my current management in a bid to show them what I was really worth.

After what seemed to be the most disastrous second job interview in my life (the first one was obviously decent enough for me to get through to the next round), I got through to a third teleconference with the department manager from head office. I shit you not, it was worse than this. Up 'til this day, I am convinced that it was the luckiest fluke of nature -- or a good case of desperation from their side. Nonetheless, after a few weeks, I was the recipient of an offer from a company that I admired and respected. I have achieved what I wanted -- the license to ask for a raise.

However, I realized that I wasn't as simple as I thought. Rather, what I wanted wasn't as simple as I thought. My initial intention was to chase for more money -- of course, who wouldn't want that? But as the days went by, it dawned on me that it was growth and opportunity that I was looking for. Perhaps I wasn't as shallow as I deemed myself to be?

My present company did a stellar job causing me much conflict on whether I should stay or go. They used a very powerful tool -- money, and lots of it -- to retain me. Indeed, be careful what you wish for as mine just came true. In an instant, my salary got doubled and a managerial promotion was left on the table for me to take. However, I knew that accepting that very tempting offer was like taking the blue pill (in the Matrix?) and allowing the story to abruptly end right there. Then again, it wasn't as if I was in a bad place. I was in a good place... just with a brick wall right in front of me. I can turn left, right and around -- just not forward. As much as I love what I am doing now, I knew from the abyss of my mind that I wasn't stretching myself enough to develop myself as a person and as a professional.

I'm still deciding whether it's a good thing or a bad thing -- but I let my curiosity get the best of me. I opted for the red pill and accepted the other side's offer (albeit with a slightly lower pay after the offer of a doubled salary). I feel as if I took on a challenge to jump from one skyscraper to the next without the necessary safety nets and without knowing if I can actually make it to the other side. Hell, there's just one way to find out, right?

I lost at least four nights worth of sleep reaching a final decision. At the end of the day, I know that what I will learn in the new job and what I can potentially become will surpass the big fat paycheck that I have gingerly turned down from my present company. It was a very generous offer from them, yes, but I felt that I owed myself this opportunity to explore newer things and to open more doors. I may fall flat on my face with a bruised ego and hampered spirit -- but at least I can sincerely tell myself that I tried. For me, that is the better option than sitting at my present desk and being haunted by "what if" questions simply because I am the type to always wonder about "what could have happened." Certainly, people like me tend to get in trouble more than the average person, but it is my way to avoid regret (or have at least amount of regret).

Now I sit here nervously fumbling with my fingers hoping against hope that I did make the best decision for myself. Every bone, joint and nerve-ending in my body says yes, though the small nagging voice in my head keeps reminding me of what I am giving up -- job security, awesome colleagues, respect, flexibility and a happy professional abode. Trust me, letting go of a doubled salaray was like dipping my paper cuts into vinegar. However, what may seem big right now may actually be trivial once the future is unfolded in front of me. I do not dare deny myself of this opportunity and I do not dare put a monetary cap on my abilities.

Unlike Neo in the Matrix, I believe in destiny. And I have faith in it. So I take the red pill... and I will enjoy the ride. You can count on that, Mr. Anderson.

26 Comments:

Blogger thisisme said...

Wow - it is never an easy decision to make. Congratulations on taking the jump and going for growth and challenge. How long until you start?

3:32 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Good for you to have the courage to take such a leap. Of course you're uncomfortable and squirmy and nervous---you're out of your comfort zone. But that's where you have to go to grow.....Courage!

5:00 AM  
Blogger Libby said...

good for you, i'm proud of you! at least you'll never have to think I wuldve been better if...

9:31 AM  
Blogger Ab said...

hey im sure you took the right decision.. no, not just rhetoric...

fact wise, you did consider the decision well, and ultimately you're the best judge... and anyways, i feel that in the biggest crises, we can actually trust our hearts.....

so congrats, and all the best.... do give us a brief on your new job, and wat you do there.....:)

and hey i dont know if iv said this before, but the way you write teases the brain... its really fun reading, with all those subtle comments in between serious stuff....

and hey, i wont be around blog world for about 2 months.... c ya later...

12:38 PM  
Blogger Joy said...

ey you... just make sure you can be with us when we're there this june!!!! or else... ;)

seriously... congratulations! i know you'll do great. mwah!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

Wow!!!! That's a lot of challenge & change in a few weeks time. I hope that you find your decision brings you nothing but joy, and no regret.

3:42 AM  
Blogger Chaitali Patel said...

Congratulations!!! Don't worry whatever happens, happens for the best. Besides it's worse to live in regret than with a lower salary. :)

3:10 PM  
Blogger M@ said...

I decided today to just gather kinetic energy at my current job for the next couple of years and then--spring forward!

9:27 AM  
Blogger utopia said...

hmmmmmm i took the blue pill hahah! and left a fat pay check cos the red one was offering me more. but somehow there ain't too many "what if" questions in my mind?but i know what u mean. the day i get a red pill thats tempting enough i'd go right ahead and not think twice. sigh!

12:43 PM  
Blogger exMI said...

Good luck!

3:58 AM  
Blogger Still Searching said...

You don't know unless you've taken the plunge, right!

Best of luck for the new beginnings! :)

11:03 AM  
Blogger Kati said...

Princess B. I have something for you over at my place!

5:49 AM  
Blogger Lucid Darkness said...

As long as you are content at the end of the day, Princess B...

You're the only one living your life.
Here's hoping the best for you!

12:28 AM  
Blogger William said...

Whatever the pill, there's always a second chance, another way, another path.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Faithful 2 U said...

Awesome! Good Luck!

10:19 PM  
OpenID nivi30 said...

I agree though on your arguments.Rather than wondering what would have happened,You can actually jump in to it and test it. You go girl!

8:36 AM  
Blogger di.di said...

all the best to you bcoz the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence...!!

4:34 PM  
Blogger Crashdummie said...

wow, this is so amazing pb! I am so glad that you have come to a conclusion and even though the nagging voice is still there, you went by your gut feeling.

can totally relate, cuz I am in a similar sitiation jobwise. Feels like i'll be doomed if i do, doomed if I dont...

just prayĆ­ng that I will find some clairty too..

cheers & good luck Ms Andersson ;)

8:46 PM  
Blogger the walking man said...

I took the red pill before I was 16 and it has been a hell of ride since then. In this I mean both of my deceased parents and all of my siblings have advanced degree's. while I have nothing but the matrix of my own history which I look back on (I am medically retired)and say I fought the machines to a standstill.

I am 99% credit debt free, own my house, and love my wife. Jump for the red every time I say, always and the less you think about it the better the ride.

Now woman it has been a month update.

Peace

TWM

9:41 PM  
Blogger fifi said...

Congratulations.
Haven't called by for a while, thought I'd see how you are going and LOOK, big things are happening.
Clever you!

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Maverick said...

I guess i took the Red pill too, only that I didnt have an option. I work for a small start up company too, but work is been great and am certainly enjoying it. but the difference is that its my first job, I didnt have another offer from a biggie with a fat paycheck, If I had it I wonder what I'd have done...

8:05 AM  
Blogger Irreversibly Screwed said...

congratulations!!.. all the best.. im not going to say it will be easy but it cant be THAT bad.. at least you thought about it so it should all work out.. ultimately it would all fit in the "grand scheme of events".. i love that saying.. lol..

3:16 AM  
Blogger Candid Confessions said...

Congratulations on the bold jump and good luck! Make the best out of it!

9:45 PM  
Blogger Ancalagon The Black said...

Congratulations !!

I take it that you will still be in the Land of the Lions?

3:40 PM  
Blogger Ab said...

oh princess, where art thou??????

6:18 PM  
Blogger san the man said...

sometimes life just tells you what to do and not even money's immense attractive power is strong enough to change your minds...

i like your blog...will be back again and again and again and again...

6:26 PM  

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