Saturday, April 28, 2007

First Love

"Have you thought about it?" he anxiously asked.

"Yes," I answered slowly.

I can hear him fidgeting from the other end of the phone. "And?"

After a deep breath, I retorted, "I don't think I can do it. A relationship. Not with you, at least."

"Why not?" he said barely in a whisper.

"Because you represent everything I stand against," I quipped, trying to convince myself. "I cannot risk falling in love with you knowing that the chances of getting hurt far outweighs the chances that I won't."

At this point, I felt like banging my head against the brick wall of room. Voices in my head are ranting -- liar, liar, liar!

"But... but you never know until we try right?"

"Come on, how many girls have you been with? And out of those, how many were you in a relationship with?" was my lame challenge. Could've at least done better than that.

"Fine, you got me," he admitted. "Those were all in the past though. Can't a guy make some changes in his life?"

"Leopards rarely change their spots," I echoed my friends' bolleries during the past few days of my confusion.

"Fuck the leopards!" he exclaimed, his voice a mixture of resentment, anger and desperation. "Don't you get it? The main difference between those girls and you is that I'm falling in love with you."

I snorted. "Hah, yeah. And what would you know about that?"

He sighed.

"Not much. But all I know is that I've been with many girls before... but I want you to be the last."

But I wanted to be your first...

... as you are mine.


Blogger Aditi said...

that is all i got

11:49 PM  
Blogger Lisa Francisco said...

Aww..that is so sweet...makes me wonder and be depressed about my situation....sigh


12:15 AM  
Blogger paddy said...

Difficult to call; can a leopard change his spots. I hope it is possible, but if a girl wants to be the first and believes in the concept of waiting; then she should not shatter her conviction by taking a chance. I'll get back to you again when I give it a little more thought. Y:-) Paddy

12:53 AM  
Blogger Sling said...

..maybe it's enough the he be the last.

3:00 AM  
Blogger Neo said...

reminds me of a conversation i had with my 2nd gf...

3:12 AM  
Anonymous Nora said...

Beautifully written. Part 2? :)

3:42 AM  
Blogger lemonade said...

i don't know what to say...u have some will power..i would have said yes in a instant (even if i didnt want to)if i was in love with him too..

4:32 AM  
Blogger Carrie said...

*sigh*... that too is all I got.

5:39 AM  
Blogger thisisme said...

Ouch - been there in reverse. Life isn't ideal though, and we never get everything the way we want it. If it means you will be happy, go for it!


7:00 AM  
Blogger riseoutofme said...

1st last, 7th, 9th, 104th ... what does it matter? Its only a number.

If there is any chance of happiness here ... GO FOR IT.

8:25 AM  
Blogger nel said...

Why does girl always want to be the first; and guys always want to have their last? Ironically, it's actually could be their first true love together, and live happily ever after ... ok, one of those fairy tales chasing after love ... hah, hah ... well, princess? Couldn't agree more with Nora and Aditi. When is sequel coming and awwwwwwwwww ... lol ... ;)

9:44 AM  
Blogger Mumbai Guy said...

I like that last line. Holds very true for most of us, deep within our heart. We want to be the first.


Part 2?

10:40 AM  
Blogger Maverick said...

awwwww poor boy, i totally understand his sentiments, u really never knw with whom it works out n with whom it won't.

11:31 AM  
Blogger fifi said...

oh, to have the ability to see into the future, you just never really know what life will bring.

Use your heart and not your head.
Listen, when all is quiet, listen to the right voice.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Neihal said...

lovely writing. it has to be a fiction, otherwise I too have to go


11:53 AM  
Blogger Di said...

its probably a case of always hopelessly going for the bad-guy!(no offense to the guy in q..i dont even know him!) but all the best!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Given his experience, at least he is not going to be full of curiosity about others. We can't always be sensible. Sometimes heart must rule.

3:08 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

Loved this post. Thankyou for visiting my blog, & leaving a comment.
You have to go for the chance of bliss!! Just go for it!! Catch the Joy as it Flies!
It may never return...

3:45 PM  
Blogger paddy said...

PS: I thought about it: she should stick to her convictions, and here's a verse from a song I like:
"You've had lots of lovely women
Now you turn your gaze to me
Weighing the beauty & the imperfection
To see if I'm worthy
Like the church
Like a cop
Like a mother - you want to be truthful
Sometimes you turn it on me like a weapon though
& I need your approval
Still I send up my prayer
Wondering who's there to hear
I said, "Send me somebody
Who's strong, and some-what sincere"

4:49 PM  
Blogger alex said...


The 'leopard' was funny. :D

Falling in love does not happen all of a sudden..i believe it is a conscious choice..

6:05 PM  
Blogger mind the gap said...

Lovely post as usual. Just let yourself go and see what happens - you could be missing out on the man for you. He may have learnt from his mistakes with other women and will know how to behave with you. Just sit back and enjoy the ride and if it doesn't work out, put it down to experience!

8:07 PM  
Blogger Sahil Bajaj said...

:) nice have a talent for writing you know..

8:59 PM  
Blogger StandbyMind said...

great...and really well
Seems like every great man has said something in this regard..Charles Dickens....Oscar wilde....

2:16 AM  
Blogger Nadim said...

its fiction right?

its almost impossible to be both the first and lasts of someone without them being eager about other prospects, i think.

4:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

last line is awesome...
though i do not know why, but love stories have started giving me goosebumps...

6:32 AM  
Blogger soul&body said...

the fisrt love....i believe is not the last for that person but yes for the couple... course we never forget our fisrt love...i cant!! ^_^
anyway, live the moment!!!

6:35 AM  
Blogger mjd said...


6:57 AM  
Blogger brandy said...

So well said!

7:22 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

ok this story reminded me again n again what a jerk-magnet I am. Why dun I get guys like that!


10:12 AM  
Anonymous Karmyn R said...

Sometimes the fear of getting hurt keeps you from experiencing something great. (and that includes more than love too)

12:35 PM  
Blogger Rajeev said...

great writin :)

Peace & Love

12:58 PM  
Blogger tony said...

But can a spot change his leopard ?

1:04 PM  
Blogger Nothingman said...



Heavy!! that's rock N roll!!



A Story A Day

5:15 PM  
Blogger Aidan said...

ITs just a number, who cares... If you feel something for teh guy go wiht it, sort it out as you go along...

People do grow and mature...The leopard analogy, is flawed. The spots change colour as the leopard gets older, the shapes change, the spots are still there but in a different way.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

Life's too short to play it safe, and love, too rare. Beautifully written.

3:46 AM  
Blogger mathew said...

beautiful..getting your first love ..nothing could be better than that..oh yeah there is something better than that..the first love last for ever..

6:00 AM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...


11:36 AM  
Blogger zanas said...

it happens in novels, and it happens in real life. consequences have strong influence on us to deny our love. your work can set us all to think deeper.

4:53 PM  
Blogger --Sunrise-- said...

Ohhh..... :)

3:12 AM  
Blogger Eve said...

That is sweet. But I think love isn't ever how you imagine it to be. And I think some (er, most) people are attracted to something that is a bit aloof.

1:02 AM  
Blogger raghav said...

why has being the 'first' got so much importance ??? That never means that there would never be a second and a third and .. At least wanting to be the last shows that the person knows the difference between the earlier relations and this one ..

leopards hardly change their spots !!! nice quip !!

1:18 AM  
Blogger Biddie said...

My 1st still holds a special place in my heart. No matter who I am with,or how much time has passed, I still think of him now and again....It's been 21 years since we broke up, 17 since I have seen him, and I am very much in love right now, with someone else, but.....
If I weren't in realtionship and he phoned me, asked me to try again? Well...he lives 700 miles away, had a baby with my best friend, and is now a grandpa with 5 kids of his own....
I'd be on the plane out.
That's just me, tho. :)

2:28 AM  
Blogger Loser-in-Love said...

Aaah......nicely is always difficult to pretend when u r in love.

n it does not matter if ur first, if ur sure u wud be the last and u want him to be ur last.

Check Out::

3:13 PM  
Blogger Leann said...

my advice stay single save your self alot of heart problems!!!!

if men could be as God intended it would be great.but men are men.they are hunters,that means they are out for the hunt.
they see a new chic and the hunt is on.once the wears are sampled the hunt goes sore and mr hot pants is on his way to new hunting grounds.
stay single tell your really really sure.believe me marriage isnt heaven on earth ever if both of you do happen to be christains.

believe me I been there done that and found Iam better off alone.
the Lord Jesus is the only one who can Love me as I need to be loved.

Have a great weekend and God bless.

1:35 AM  
Blogger alpine path said...

Good one... but where is the sequel?

5:42 PM  
Blogger Sigma said...

Thanks for dropping by my blog.
Wonderful story (like some of the others here, it appears to me too that this is fiction, otherwise I too will have to go ... awwwwww )

3:31 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Speaking as someone who has just been dumped by the first person I have ever really been in love with...Even as badly as it hurts right now. I honestly dont think I would change any of it.

It was the best two years of my life. I would do it all again in a second even if I knew the outcome would be the same.

12:10 PM  
Blogger Samara Leigh said...

Beautiful writing.

Eve is right: "I think love isn't ever how you imagine it to be. And I think some (er, most) people are attracted to something that is a bit aloof."

We are so often in love with the thought of being in love. We ruin the experience by comparing it to an impossible dream.

Being too far down the line in a long list of lovers is a valid concern. But, if just not being the first love is a concern, think of it this way... He's practiced on the others so he can get it right with you.

11:32 AM  
Blogger sublimely ordinary. said...

How do you do it? how do you express the inner truth in so few words and that too so simply and so beautifully? simply great!

2:57 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home