Inside My Head

* For those who have dared to join me in my life's journey (of constant banter)

When I started this blog, I had no idea how long I will write on it for. I've had journals, diaries and other blogs -- I started recording my sentiments at the tender age of six. However, it was a habit that I've possessed on and off much like an unpredictable switch. I thought that I only wrote when I was being a tad too emotional or simply bored. I would persistently promise myself that I will make writing a consistent habit -- sort of like committing myself to a marriage and a lifestyle. In my head, I knew that I would break that promise one time or another for whatever reason.

The biggest difference with this blog and the rest that I've had before (including hand-written journals) is you, dear reader. You. Simply you. You keep me going and you keep me inspired. Even when I'm downright exhausted from the daily rituals of everyday life, I push myself to write because I want you to keep me and my thoughts as your companion. It may not be much, but I try to make it as soulful and honest as possible with the hopes that maybe it would be good enough for you to stay.

Admittedly, this has been the most open journal that I've had. I'm quite a private person (mysterious, no, just private) and it takes a lot for me to bare out my mind. It took a few reluctant key strokes on my battered yet trusty laptop to compose pieces that I never thought I would have the cheek to publish even anonymously. They were my private thoughts, mine and mine alone. What business did I have displaying it for the world to see? I felt somewhat narcissistic thinking that anyone at all would be remotely interested in what I had to say. After all, what did I know? I know just as much as the next Tom, Dick and Harry, no?

Then you came along. You started leaving a few words of sweetness just after reading what I wrote and even came back for more helpings afterwards! Oh the joy! They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? I think not. It is when someone like you comes back to see if I have more to say. Surely I have disappointed you somehow one time or another -- maybe because of the lack of posts, or the quality of writing, or the dullness of the topic. I apologize, though it is saddening that we can't always please though we aim for it. I am only glad and eternally thankful that you still haven't lost faith.

For those times when I seem terribly detached and impersonal, I'm sorry. I have never meant it to be so. I truly wish that I be allowed more time for interaction and the exchange of ideas. It has always been my intent to do so, I swear, but I just never have the time. I should put in more effort, I know, but a part of me just wants to keep my regiment of churning out pieces that I thought you may enjoy. Hoping that maybe, it will make up somehow for my negligence.

I started out very cautious about my writing. I didn't want to give out too much and neither did I want to tread of touchy waters. I was so scared that I may seem too opinionated or even arrogant. God, I hope not. Truly, that is the last thing I would want. Gradually, however, I have learned to trust you. I have learned to slowly let loose and allow you to get to know me. I had no idea how good it would feel... like a little baby chick let out of its shell. I simply fear that I may start boring you with the daily accounts of my life. It's difficult to help it though because I pick up inspiration from them... but I promise to keep the mundane bits to a minimum level.

With all this banter, and all that I have written on this blog, I want you to know that it's all for you. I fooled myself for a long time thinking that I was writing for myself... but really, I am writing for you. Because you know me more than anyone else that I know. I never thought it would feel so great to write for someone else other than myself. You keep me going and you keep me alive. And I draw my biggest inspirations from you.

I love hearing your thoughts and your anecdotes. You have no idea how many times I re-read what you have written as your nuggets of life and wisdom is something that I learn from as well. Whenever I hear that 'ping' from my email, I say a silent prayer that it would be you leaving me a few words and telling me that you're still there. I yearn to hear your stories and I long for your thoughts.

Thank you for always being there, dear reader, as you have changed my life in paramount ways. I do hope you roll with the punches with me as I go through a bumpy ride. I invite you to leave me some ideas and thoughts that you may want me to write about. As I said, you are my biggest inspiration. You are my muse -- the best kind that anyone could ever have. I cannot thank you enough.


Ever so sincerely,
Your Princess