Thursday, August 23, 2007

Just One Of Those Days

Some days I just feel like being random -- and speak in tidbits instead of coherent sentences. I hate these days when I'm right smacked at the bottom of the wheel.

I. Keep Moving


Everyone has bad days right? And every once in a while we get slammed.

Right?

Today was a pothole down my road... more like a giant manhole infested with maggots the size of big macs. I don't know why I constantly let trivial things get to me like the pettiness of people, for instance. I know I'm entirely above that but why does it still bother me? Why do I let it bother me?

I know better than to trust people. It's something that I've picked up along the way -- mostly from smart people who give me sound advice. It makes sense; it's the wise thing to do. Sometimes I slip though. I feel that I'm naturally trusting... or perhaps just too naive. There are atypically atrocious people crawling the earth. And it's beyond me why I insist on getting burnt multiple times.

Another thing that bothers me is the obscene amount of self-absorbent people out there. When did the vexed ship from Planet Selfish sail over to Earth to bring all these immigrants in? And why do they procreate in exponential rates?

People who are true and sincere listeners are a rare commodity. But when I seemingly find someone like that, I get scared... I get scared that they would think I'm self-absorbent. I don't like being the epitome of my own worst enemy.

Sadly, I think it's getting there. I'm becoming my own worst enemy. I need to listen to myself more.

Before, during my hey days (or so-called ones), when I was upset I would reach for a cigarette and a glass of soda+vodka. I would tell myself that it'll make me feel better. And it did. The only problem was, once my lungs could no longer tolerate the killer smoke, the problems come back. It's like they were put on hold while I finished taking in my toxins and then would come back to bite me even harder in the behind. After I flick the last butt, I realize that I'm back to square one... again.


II. Need...More...Sleep...

Sometimes it feels like trudging through mud and glue. So exhausting -- both physically and mentally. As as we get older, it seems like responsibilities and obligations just keep on piling up. Never running out of things to do. I pray that life won't lose its meaning... and for everyone I care about to never stray. It's only at the end that you realize what is most important. Through the everyday dealings, they seem rather trivial -- often we take for granted the presence of our reasons for living.


Every moment that I get where I don't have to deal with worldly things, I just wish to sleep. If only I can sleep forever and never have to open my eyes again. I feel drained, I feel tired. And I especially feel lost. And scared. What if the feelings of dread never stop???

I like the musical laughters that I hear and the smiling eyes that I see. It keeps me grounded... it gives me hope. Perhaps at the end of this long tunnel, there is a light after all. It's just something we all have to go through. But why? What for? Is the light worth seeing and working hard towards?

Having to hurt some people on your way over, will they heal? Will they forgive? Will they understand? And getting hurt by the people most important to you... they're just going through the tunnel as well. You can't blame them now, can you?

I'm tired. I just want to sleep. Because in my dreams, there are no tunnels. All just light.


III. Doh!


I have learned that there are things that are better left unknown. I know someone who always told me: "Remember in the play Oedipus? When the chorus would always go 'You don't want to know' over and over? Well, most of the time, they have a point."

Stupid chorus. Stupid Oedipus. Stupid me!

Ignorance is bliss -- I semi-agree with this... but the left part of my brain knows that this is not good enough for me. Why must I have the need to know everything? Why do I always need to know what the score is?

To get ahead of the game... that's why.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Post Script:

I will be taking another wee break, possibly my last one for a while. It's been getting too crazy in my life -- what little I have of it lately. I've been consumed by too many insignificant things. It's quite suffocating. I feel the need to take a step back, to regroup, and to regain a little bit of perspective. From a city with crap weather (at present, at least) to another city with even crappier weather, I'm off to London for the next nine days. God, how I miss that fair city. I will drop by to scribble a few times perhaps, but I cannot promise anything.

Nonetheless, I'm hoping to be back here rejuvenated, recharged and ready once again. And perhaps bringing back a few extra trinkets of thoughts and sentiments to share with everyone. That I'm looking forward to.

49 Comments:

Blogger Vik said...

Oh you come back with lots of stories and I am sure the break would be a timely and a good one for you indeed. It is indeed sad to note that there have been a few mishaps and I hate to feel bad and not that I don't :-(

Heck leave the baggage here and come back fresh and looking forward to your stories now :)

11:29 PM  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Poor Princess. I won't depress you further by relaying the London weather I'm currently staring out at. Sigh.

Hope you feel brighter soon.

Puss

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Januarybitch said...

Welcome to the world. It sucks but we are a happy lot :)
Don't worry/chill, things have a way of blowing over.

12:34 AM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Oh yes, life can et all scattered at times. But hopefully this little break of yours will let you regroup and re-phrase yourself (if that made sense) --- and may we find a cheerful and happy Princess upon her return! Amen... :)

12:48 AM  
Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

That bit about Planet Selfish had me nodding my head and giggling. I totally feel your pain with regard to that one, can't we all just step outside of our own selfish little worlds every so often?

2:38 AM  
Blogger Confessions of a Born Procrastinator said...

Ah yes!!! One of those days... Know what that feels like...

Well.. hope your trip cheers u up like it did the last time..

B/w... If you do get time, I have tagged you... Have a look... I did really like to c how it wud turn out... :)

3:27 AM  
Blogger Crashdummie said...

thats what we call a CSD - cosmic shitty day.

but dont worry, we need the bad days to we can truly appreciate the wicke┬┤d onc e- all abt perspective innit?

Cheers

3:39 AM  
Blogger The Black King said...

You know, princess, that feeling of consciously trying not to become the epitome of your worst enemy is a very healthy sign -- that of one who introspects!

Wish you a mindblowingly refreshing trip to London... do share a few snaps! :)

3:43 AM  
Blogger Still searching said...

There's nothing like a good vacation to make yourself feel better, and even if things haven't changed when ure back, at least u are refreshed and ready for another long haul!

Oh, and I hardly ever trust people, but I sometimes see THAT as a weakness! :)

6:29 AM  
Anonymous gettinitout said...

I can appreciate your thoughts about people...sleep...life. Enjoy your break.

8:28 AM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Take it easy and relax a bit.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Ab said...

yo princess,
i kind of identify with almost the whole of the post..
about feeling Im just naive and taking the easy way out when I am too trusting, wanting to just sleep because I cant keep pace with the demands of the world, too fatigued, and the post script.
the problem is even my breaks havent helped me regroup that im really out of ideas...
Problem is too much of things to do (like studies)which i really dont want to do... end result is I dont do anything, not even the things I really want to do, and hence a miserable existence with the guilt of not keeping up with my responsibilities...

anyways have fun on th trip...
and princess, Im telling you for the last time, youre still going back on your promise to reply to comments.... and while at that, I dont remember getting a reply to the reply mail i sent:(

12:10 PM  
Blogger LADY LUXIE said...

what?!..I just got here and you're off somewhere else?..

Just wanted you to know that I feel as crappy as you do!!..LOL!

3:23 PM  
Blogger samrina said...

Louds of prayer and love for you Princess.

Take care

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Dream catcher said...

oh my...mademoiselle always ur tit bits are enough to instigate my mind...
I think it's getting there. I'm becoming my own worst enemy.

yup i raise my hand ..i guess me too

4:10 PM  
Blogger riseoutofme said...

Enjoy your break Princess! Weather is pretty good in western europe at the moment .... sun's shining!

4:17 PM  
Blogger nlonve (nu-lo-ne-vei) said...

I don't think I have ever seen a post until now, that has been spot on about the way I feel ... you hit the nail on the head there .....

5:25 PM  
Blogger thisisme said...

Have a great break - sometimes you just need to.

6:52 PM  
Blogger Nithya N said...

i tell you you are n ot alone. just a few days back i found myself in the same situation of being burnt by hte pettiness of people. but then that's all part of the world. deal with it.and forget it.

9:04 PM  
Blogger Cuckoo said...

Ah yeah, one of those day...

Enjoy your trip to London & come back refreshed.

Don't forget to click some !!

1:22 AM  
Blogger the walking man said...

There's only one answer to all of the whys and doubts and questions...because that is where your path is taking you,now it takes you to another place, then back to this place and then on and on until you do sleep and never have to open your eyes again.

find your Peace

TWM

4:10 AM  
Blogger Irreversibly Screwed said...

i know what u mean about trusting people and realizing its not worth it.. i feel the same thesedays.. and it SUCKS!!..
tc..

3:33 PM  
Blogger KAYLEE said...

COME BACK SOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:26 PM  
Blogger Zee said...

i seem to be having just one of those life!!!!! like tons and tons of bad days...though most weekends are fine.....

i often wondered why i was so self absorbant and self obsessed? ur blog made it all clear... i'm from the vexed ship from Planet Selfish!!! now i'm going to be ready with my towel and hitch a ride back to my planet (refer hitchhikers guide)

we all have these days....

9:17 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

Enjoy your vacation. hope it helps you to get back some perspective and to narrow life down to what's really important. A little extra sleep wouldn't go astray either! Keep your chin up....

10:19 PM  
Blogger `NEFTY said...

I'm looking forward to them too:]

9:48 AM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

When you write that first novel (and I hope you will) I hope you can capture in those pages the ruminations that you so generously share here.

I find it difficult to keep a positive attitude when I face life like it's a question, not an experience. Because there are never clear cut answers. It's like it's an open book test and I'm using the wrong textbook.

I'll miss you while you're gone.

9:20 PM  
Blogger Jeya Anand said...

"I'm becoming my own worst enemy. I need to listen to myself more."

you are buried in urself...yet you dont hear the voices...you certainly need to listen...maybe u should read my post.."in our own selves":)

And u smoke??OMG!!:0:0

10:56 PM  
Blogger Libby said...

princess-enjoy your time in london!! no matter what everyone says about it, it's still a beautiful city...go relax in a handy park!!!

9:28 AM  
Blogger mathew said...

wow..just coz i felt u were almost reading my mind...how similar people think..i thought thoughts were unique in its own way..but u almost think like me..

and for a bad day.i dont say cheer up..coz u know urself that it doesnt really matter...

rather go and take a dip in the beach and sleep lazy..

7:46 PM  
Blogger Mayth!! said...

Stumbled across your blog..Must say, you do have an ability to read (and write) a restless mind's thoughts...I could feel me talk the whole way. Nice. :)

2:38 AM  
Blogger Lord Chimmy said...

These crappy kind of days give the good days more punch. You'll weather the storm. Have fun in London.

1:13 PM  
Blogger utopia said...

hey take care and catch a happier you soon.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

Enjoy your break PB - sometimes a little change, a little shake up of the everyday ordinary is just what we needed!

9:50 PM  
Blogger nasia said...

"to take a step back, to regroup, and to regain a little bit of perspective"
All of us hav been there.. i think i m there now.. by the time i started gaining perspective.. life bought back confusion.. :) that i cant even write.. abt..

10:25 PM  
Blogger Princess Extraordinaire said...

Take your much needed break and coe back refreshed...

12:00 AM  
Blogger drips of paint said...

this is the best post of yours I have read...more heart felt in a way...

I say do not recuperate back to the old self... leave the "game" behind... if you could help it.......

all the best!

3:52 PM  
Blogger James said...

Hi Princess you certainly sound a bit down. Hope the holiday sorts you out.
So you are coming to my neck of the woods? I love London. When you are tired of London you are tired of life as they say...

Take care,
James

5:34 PM  
Blogger `NEFTY said...

You probably need a vacation!

9:28 AM  
Blogger Ab said...

not back from th vac yet???
Im still waiting to see replies to all th comments

5:39 PM  
Blogger nel said...

wow, holiday again ... this year itself australia, hong kong and now united kingdom ... where to next ... north pole ... hummmmm ... come to think about it ... she might just do that ... ;D

9:00 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Oh how i hear ya, especially about the trudging through glue.

I hope you have a nice break and come back refreshed and relaxed.

1:19 PM  
Blogger fifi said...

Princess,
Have a wonderful time in London.

Your post made me feel better knowing that I am not the only person to feel like that..


look forward to the tales of your trip

1:39 PM  
Blogger lemonade said...

have a nice trip! come back soon! :)

2:40 PM  
Blogger WHAT'S IN A NAME ? said...

An unburdening exercise that went ri8, I presume.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Vivek said...

Life whirls us around at times and makes you think of whether we are the one we wanted to be...

Sad to see you post this just after writing "Life isn't very complicated, really." a couple of posts ago. But believe me, everyone goes through all this.

My wishes to come back fresh! :)

Looking forward to snaps and ofcourse banters on how London was :)

8:19 PM  
Blogger sAssY brOwn said...

oh man, that sounds like my life right now.

11:17 AM  
Anonymous nivethitha.k said...

"But why? What for? Is the light worth seeing and working hard towards?"

Awesome!! I often wonder this. This post reminded me of me.Its like you caught my thought process and and translated it in to words!!

4:23 AM  
Blogger Princess Stefania said...

*Huggs*

4:03 PM  

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