Sunday, June 03, 2007

Keep on Walking

Along with other many bitter things in life, moving on is something we constantly have to do no matter how painful. And unfortunately, it is also something that we have very little control over. We don't choose to move on. Rather, we are forced to move on given specific circumstances. Then again, isn't it the healthy thing to do? So they say, at least.

However, moving on is the easier part of the procedure. It's the getting-left-behind bit that's hard to receive.

When two people separate from each other, they both move on -- but one always moves at a slower pace. One walks faster whilst the other tries to keep up only to look longingly at the other person in front as he/she disappearing into the horizon. Getting left behind is like getting pierced in the heart using a letter-opener -- a rusty and dull letter-opener, at that. It is especially painful when we watch that person move on without turning back... not even once, not even a flinch. It's like you were left carrying the heavy baggages whilst he or she walks into the sunset as if the clouds were made out of cotton-candy.

Whenever faced with this unfortunate situation, I always hide behind the relief of changing the scenery. It is an unfair advantage, I know, but it's the only way for me to get over the pain and frustrations. In a bid to win the race of moving onwards, I would force conscious change to take place -- such as moving somewhere new, or distracting myself with something new such as a hobby or drowning myself with people who will let me know of newer and fresher things. I force change to happen as it has always moved too slow for me. It has always moved too slow to mask all the anger, bitterness and suffering.

There is no shame in running away provided that we know that one day we must face the ghost that we know will haunt us. When we decide to face that ghost is another thing, however. We can hide but we can't run. At least not forever. A new beginning is what we usually long for after weathering the wretchedness of our storms.

Moving on constitutes leaving behind a piece of ourselves. Sometimes, we lose that piece of ourselves even. It is sad knowing that we leave behind a purity and innocence of sorts only to know that it will be replaced by a guarded and jaded version of prudence and canniness. We learn to protect ourselves from the trauma and the hurt -- sifting through experiences that will put us in the same position of agony.

Unfortunately, it seems precedented that time is the only entity on our prescriptions. In time, we get healed, we get liberated from our demons, and we learn to let go. It is just uncertain how much time we need -- some more than others -- and it is also uncertain how long the pain will be inhabiting within us.

We move on not because we want to -- we move on because we need to. We cannot be sucked into the abyss of nothingness and watch our lives waste away. Easier said than done, yes, but it is something that we all have to go through.

It's funny how they say that life is short. During certain pockets of time, it just seems way too long.


48 Comments:

Blogger Neo said...

What if no matter how hard you try, you can't move on? Then what do you do? Help me out here.

12:06 PM  
Blogger angry ballerina said...

"There is no shame in running away provided that we know that one day we must face the ghost that we know will haunt us."

The only problem with running away is, in the end, it doesnt matter. It's either just geography, or emotional distance. But it's sofaking easy isn't it?

12:06 PM  
Blogger Lord Chimmy said...

What we're really talking about are defense mechanisms. There are quite a few defense mechs out there...some work better than others (it all depends on the situation).

Ultimately, I don't think there's anything that provides a 100% secure defense. But, a good defense buys you time to adjust to the offense...make corrections...and, eventually, come out ahead.

Also, experience is a good teacher. Unless you fail to learn from history. My first heart-break was rough. My second one was bad. My third one...I wouldn't even say my heart broke.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Aditi said...

I am hoping it takes time but eventually one(me) does find the courage to confront that ghost.. till then its relieving to know that taking a short break and running away from the issue is something i am not the only one prone to doing...
now if only i can stop staring at the timetable friends and family dangle in front of u in bold letters

1:13 PM  
Anonymous kaylee said...

GREAT post! I have experienced this many times where you just have to move on with somebody.its hard to do sometimes at first but,usally Its better in the end.
Thanks for stopping by my blog!

1:15 PM  
Blogger Nothingman said...

moving on or running away?

We can give fancy names to it all, but its just our refusal to face things as they are...very thought provoking post...it has made me think about my life...

Right...

N

3:38 PM  
Blogger Cuckoo said...

Excellent post.
I wanted to write on this topic since long but somehow kept postponing. Again I'll do the same.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Timothy Tien said...

Hi Princess,

What a post, utterly moving. I have not time to read other post at your blog yet but have a good idea what I am walking into.

Powerful stuff, raw energy and unedited feeling at its abyss. Like you are taking me thru a .... ahe, ahe (I cannot find my word) well in short 2 thumbs up.

I think you might have just comforted some soul happen to be in this situation at this very moment. Real gift to people who needed it. I can feel it myself even though I am way too much left behind. It is just powerful but non threathening, telling it the way it is.

My weakest subject in life is language. I am verbally weak and do not trust words nor speeches too much. However your piece is refreshing. I mean like I felt I have been recycled thru pain after reading it.

Did you really wrote this? You are a writer I guess. Well got to read more about you.

Later

Tim

4:30 PM  
Blogger X. Dell said...

I've done quite a bit of moving on. In fact, I'm getting ready to move on again. Maybe there's something about some people that forces them never to stay in one place.

Regarding your previous two posts:

(1) If life doesn't yield happiness, it will yield joy. I hope you find some.

(2) If the piece is good, an editor will forget that it came late. If it's bad, an editor will always remember.

Thanks for dropping by my place. You're always welcome to come back.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Timothy Tien said...

Oh I now have read a few more of your posts. you are indeed a gift to people like me who is unable to articulate what I want to say, no idea of what the world is about and given me some clue of what my life is like.

Thanks

Tim

5:07 PM  
Blogger nel said...

Travel light ... :)

6:15 PM  
Blogger Hann said...

Princess, thank you for visiting my blog and leaving a comment.
This piece that you wrote is a thought full post and very true. My comment is isn't it unfair that the one that does moves on feels guilty for taking control of their live and getting ahead, although you know this is what you need and need to do!

7:00 PM  
Blogger Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Nothing in life is constant, whether it is good or bad, it's a cycle, and it will keep turning. Pain doesn't stay sharp forever. Running away? An illusion, you can never run away from yourself, or from what is in your heart. But distractions are good, they help. Good luck, sweet lady - we've all been there (no consolation, I know).

7:47 PM  
Blogger `NEFTY said...

True hun. But the word "force" doesn't suit me.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Superficial Gibbering prater said...

Well,i guess the solution to move on with life is to just "KEEP WALKING" ,whenever we are felt left behind.Sometimes moving on with life without destination can also help,if all that we want is emotional or geographical distance.

Great post!!! I am a fan

8:12 PM  
Blogger Velu Nair said...

sombody just told me the other day, not to delude myself into believing that things are gonna be the same forever. people, things and life is gonna change. time is gonna sweep them all away, without a trace..

9:11 PM  
Blogger samrina said...

Nice post.

Thanks for stopping by my blog, hope to see u around:)

Takecare

9:53 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Very interesting reading you've got here~Thanks for stopping by my blog. And now that I've "found" yours, I think I'll stop by alot to read your posts. You are a very good, expressive writer~keep it up.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

You have met somebody new who you like. Come on, confess.

10:07 PM  
Blogger alex said...

Princess,

But in moving away, like you said, the event still follows. Unless we accept it, it keeps coming back to us, how ever far we go or how ever immersed in work we are.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Jac said...

I fully agree that a change of place is the best, rather than quenching the pain the hard way. You can't stay in a place full of memories.

...And it is not an escape at all.

10:26 PM  
Blogger Crushed by Ingsoc said...

But if we were truly wise, what we wanted and what we needed would be the same thing.

It is our folly that leads us to pursue things that ulimately fail to satisfy.

11:00 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Yes, time is so relative. Emotions seem to do that -especially when you're waiting for something (someone) that just won't happen. You seem to have the right idea though about immersing yourself with newness. It can be tricky. You can try to make yourself forget the past but even in doing so, you're undone. Strange to say, but ultimately it's good to live through some major disappointments here and there though. I hope the move is good!

“There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion” -- C.G. Jung

2:35 AM  
Blogger sirbarrett said...

Whoops! My sister was just using this computer and I accidentally posted as her in the last comment. However, just to let you know, that was Barrett, not Ashley.

2:37 AM  
Blogger soul&body said...

(`*•.¸(`*•.¸ ¸.•*´)¸.•*´)
«´`•.**.. ** .•´`»
(¸.•*´(¸.•*´ `*•.¸)`*•.¸)
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* Just dropping by *
* To say Hello !!! *
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3:27 AM  
Blogger Ana Banana said...

princess banter! You are a beautiful woman! My God! Your words and thoughts...how you express yourself -- exquisite and very close to my own way of thinking and looking at life and at the world! What can I add? You've said it all. Keep on writing...you have a powerful and heartfelt voice.

3:31 AM  
Blogger Sling said...

I have this thing I do to avoid the pain of moving on.
I immediately X-out that person from my consciousness.So much so,that I even have trouble remembering the middle names of ex-lovers..I think the technical term for it is "Denial"..

5:05 AM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"It's funny how they say that life is short. During certain pockets of time, it just seems way too long."

Amen!

Great post!

5:37 AM  
Blogger SaM-GiRL said...

Ive also had many things that Ive found hard to move on with.... SOME things just cant be forgotten.

2:21 PM  
Blogger it's the little things... said...

Excellent post! I am an expert at changing everything around me when I am recovering, including states.
In fact, when I saw "The Perfect Man" with Heather Locklear, I thought perhaps I knew the screenwriter?
Changing scenarios helps, but does leave one feeling lost for a time.

9:55 PM  
Blogger Jennifer McK said...

The way you said it is perfect. No matter how mutual the separation is, one person still lags behind.
However a person has to deal with it, whether it's getting into another relationship (aka serial monogamy) or doing a geographic, the results are the same.
Periods of loneliness followed by acceptance.
Thanks for the post.

2:27 AM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Wonderful post. You say good things on a very difficult topic.

3:31 AM  
Blogger David Anthony said...

Nice post, it reminded me of this:

And he felt in his heart their strangeness,
Their stillness answering his cry,
While his horse moved, cropping the dark turf,
'Neath the starred and leafy sky;
For he suddenly smote on the door, even
Louder, and lifted his head:-
'Tell them I came, and no one answered,
That I kept my word,' he said.
Never the least stir made the listeners,
Though every word he spake
Fell echoing through the shadowiness of the still house
From the one man left awake:
Ay, they heard his foot upon the stirrup,
And the sound of iron on stone,
And how the silence surged softly backward,
When the plunging hoofs were gone.

The Listeners
by Walter De La Mare

7:03 AM  
Blogger shades of twilight said...

princess..
thanks for visiting... take care..!

8:46 AM  
Blogger DayByDay4-2Day said...

usually people stay together when they really should split because it's easier to deal with the obviuos then to go with the unknown.

8:55 AM  
Blogger foam said...

trust me...
life is short..
but, oh those days of woe and sorrow...those are the longest..

9:13 AM  
Blogger Shamash said...

its like the closure of one chapter as we move into the next
at times i am confronted by the two models: am i moving on or running away???

tk care

12:02 PM  
Blogger Blue the Spa Girl said...

Thanks for the visit Princess!
I liked your post. It is true of most of us, whoever has been the one "left behind".
I recommended a book before to a friend called Broken Open.
If you google it you will find it.
Sounds like a spiritual growth happened for you. You cracked out of your old shell, even though it felt like you lost something.
xo

12:10 PM  
Blogger Confessions of a Born Procrastinator said...

nice post.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Tbone said...

Moving on...it's easy to say, but really fricken hard to do. I thought I moved on...it's been 3 years...it supposed to get easier.

3:37 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

This is a great post. You have no idea how much I needed to read exactly something like this today :)

7:37 AM  
Blogger Mumbai Guy said...

Well said. Agree with all you say here. You have said all what I could on this topic.

7:49 AM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Wow... what a beautiful post. Very well said --- and I agree: time is the best healer!

7:59 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

Good Lord! Maybe another comment here is excessive...so many already. But, I think you meet who you are meant to meet in life. And hopefully, you learn something from each relationship. Even if it doesn't last. Learn something from it and move on. I have heard it said, and think I agree, that your life is unfolding exactly as it is meant to. When you're mired in the moment, especially if it is a miserable moment, it's difficult to see the bigger picture.

11:13 AM  
Blogger thisisme said...

What a beautiful post. It has really made me think about my defence mechanisms of displacement activity and running away. Thank you.

8:28 PM  
Blogger Sigma said...

All you said is so very true!!
"We dont chose to move on. We are forced to move on"
It could not be more accurate.
But do we ever completely move on? As you said, we leave a little of ourselves behind.But at the same time, we carry part of it wlong with us, no matter how hard we try. But that is experience, isn't it.
And that is the vicious circle it is - although your experience tells you not to carry away anything, it is the things that you carry that constitute your experience.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Living On Video said...

Life is the longest thing ever, what could possibly be longer than that!?

7:06 PM  
Blogger Lucid Darkness said...

Relativity anyone? Time seems to stretch on endlessly, especially when the thing you want most is for 'tomorrow' to come and go as soon as possible.

I guess that moving on and getting left behind are two sides of the same coin. You move on, when you are left-behind.

It is essential because it helps you heal. Now you may trudge along that same road, or you may even decide to try out a new one, but you have to keep on moving as long as you're alive. It's easier on you to stay in motion if you give yourself that emotional nudge that allows you to move on emotionally and detach yourself from your pain. That helps you start seeing life from a new perspective.

You're right, it's easier said than done. But trying can only make life improve, can't it?

I can relate to this post at lot... you've written it in a very thought-provoking manner. Cheers!

10:56 PM  

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