Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Plugging the Invisible Gap

Have you ever gotten hunger pangs on the back of a particular craving? When you feel the need to satisfy the munchies monsters inside you -- but you can't quite nail what you're yearning for? You know you want something yet you don't particularly know what. And you'll only find out what it is when you see it.

Utterly frustrating, isn't it?

I get that feeling at times -- some more frequent than others. However, I'm afraid I'm no longer referring to food. Rather, something more profound and abstract. I feel the need to fill a void in me but I don't quite understand why the vacuity is there in the first place. I've come to terms with the fact that achieving happiness is a far-fetched concept -- possible, but not readily accessible. So instead, I've set my target on satisfaction and contentment, which I'd like to believe I've been enjoying for the past few years. I have gone through hell and back over matters that I'd rather forget -- and because of this, I have welcomed the state of stability entering my life and thought of it as a reward for surviving. I had no idea how long it was here to stay, but I thank the heavens that it decided to come visit indefinitely.

I have nothing to complain about in my life. Sure, parts of it have much left to be desired but it's half-decent and painfully average. I can think up of at least a thousand reason from the top of my head as to why I should be grateful to be in my situation. However, I feel this void creeping up from inside of me -- from the pits of my stomach straight to my restless psyche and hankering vision. And I also feel the need to fill it before it swallows me whole.

It absolutely destroys me not knowing how to address the issue. I don't even know where to begin looking.

In consulting, there's this term called "helicoptering." It essentially means to zoom up to take a look at the bigger picture. When I scrutinize particular sectors of my life, everything seems to be in order or at least holding together for now. There's the job -- check, there's the family -- check, there's the financial situation -- half a check (yet still passable), there's the social capacity -- check... and the rest, check, check, check and more checks. Everything is seemingly in order. However, it is when I take a step back and see how everything fits in together that I find myself frowning and pursing my lips.

It doesn't quite flow. It doesn't quite fit together... like there's a missing piece or bolt somewhere.

Either the equation for contentment has changed and upped its ante or my delusions about being satisfied has finally caught up to me. Have I just been denying all this time that I was actually okay? Or was I turning a blind eye over in order to block it off my system and pray to God that I would eventually forget about it?

Why, all of a sudden, did a cloud pass over me and changed everything -- without necessarily changing anything? How is that even possible? One day, I wake up and realized "Oh, there's something missing. What the fck is it?"

What the fck is it?!?!

If only it's as easy as going to 7-11 at 4 o'clock in the morning and roaming through the little aisles and finding exactly what I needed to satisfy my cravings... then life wouldn't be half bad now, would it?

46 Comments:

Blogger Jennifer McK said...

I can relate to this!!! I've thrown everything at that hole. Ben and Jerry's was my best friend.
The only thing I've found that fills the void is a spiritual connection. Something that reaches beyond me, my bills, my work and touches the world and beyond.
It sounds hokie, I know.
And it's not like I have it every single day. Sometimes connecting spiritually to a world as crazy as this one seems impossible.
Sometimes, it happens when I'm not even trying.

8:35 PM  
Blogger LADY LUXIE said...

What the fck is it?!!...Y

You know, I've been asking myself that question since I was 17 ...I thought it was because I was broken hearted....so I found someone else...

then soon enough there I was asking me again...

What the fck is it?..

I thought it could just be because I don't have a solid family..sooo I got myself one...

then soon enough I found myself asking again...

What the fck is it?

I thought maybe it could be religion....so I got myself one....

soon enough I was asking again.....

What the fck is it?!....

maybe a different fck position...so I tried an acrobatic one...

soon enough I was asking...

What the fck is it?!....

maybe a different hairstyle...different diet...different...bla!..yadee dah!...

And here I am...still asking what you are now asking...

what the fck is it?!...

It's nothing yet everything...who knows...could be the spine of life ...sort of like a dangling carrot to make us mortals plod on..hoping that in the next step we finally get to know...

what the fck it is!..

Now for my dinner..:>

8:36 PM  
Blogger Battlerocker said...

I can relate as well, and have no good news to offer. There seems always to be a shadow over everything that might otherwise be considered good. Things are alright, but not as bright as they seem they should be.

But be careful to let happiness in should it chance to arrive. "'ve come to terms with the fact that achieving happiness is a far-fetched concept -- possible, but not readily accessible." I tend to agree, in that people cannot and shouldn't walk around in blissful ignorance. But I don't think happiness is so far gone that it should be generally written off. I may be reading too much into this sentence, but wanted to point it out. Otherwise, I hope you find a way out of the shadows.

9:02 PM  
Blogger Jac said...

So you see, from the comments here, that almost all have been tried and found a total "uncheck"

I was happy until yesterday and suddenly something made me sit and wobble. What the fck ? I am faced with an identity crisis.

Noooooooooo! Not the normal one as "who I am". hahahaha

So is it contagious? 'cause I am now asking what the fck is it?

9:36 PM  
Blogger Andrew said...

Same as me. It is a modern problem. In the past we were so preoccupied with surviving, we did not have the supposed luxury of thought about why we are here and what are we doing. Possibly why so many are joining wanky religious orgs and looking for some meaning to life.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Aditi said...

ohh i so know what u mean.. sometimes in terms of food and sometimes in terms of life.. its all there and yet it doesnt quite fit.. something is missing.. of course my married friends promptly tell me its marriage that is missing but somehow not quite it
=)

10:25 PM  
Blogger mystic rose said...

a thorough introspection.. and an intersting one to read. I htink most of us do go through this at different points of our lives. But perhaps that is just a way for us to see that something needs to fill us in deeper. Have you ever wondered why children are so joyful and content, mostly.. leave them alone to play and they are just happy with a few blocks, or in the sand or in the water..their attention gets absorbed into the innocent play. And I love watching htem as they do that.

I dont knwo what it is... its a void that material things dont fill.. for me. :)

10:57 PM  
Blogger Tbone said...

I go through spells of feeling that something is 'missing', but then I stop and take a look at the wonderful things I am fortunate for. We all question the true happiness thing...it's natural...no one can have the perfect, missing free life.

11:03 PM  
Blogger Ana Banana said...

ahhhh...the "what the fck is it?!" question.

yes. I do understand. I think I know what it is that is missing. And I came to this conclusion quite recently.

Ready?

drum roll...

What the fck is missing?

Our death.

That is the only thing missing. You see, we really belong to the earth, not the earth to us. And it is our urge to be one with the soil once again. Yes, I know that is a morbid thought for some, but we crave death as much as we crave life. Unfortunately, we cannot have both at the same time. Consequently, there will always be a void.

Hope this helps to answer what the fck it is.

PS: I have a question for you. Can you tell me why there are no more John Lennons of the world?

11:11 PM  
Blogger Charles Gramlich said...

Yes, I know what your talking about. I used to have it a lot. Now I have it very rarely, because I have goals that I want to achieve and the simple pleasure of working toward those, as Mystic Rose said of children, tends to consume my thoughts and I don't have time to think of missing anything.

11:16 PM  
Blogger paddy said...

rmgganjWhen you find the corner stone that the builders rejected and place it into the space you need to complete the foundation.
Dig in the dirt; sift through the rubbish all others avoid to find the key to cup that is never empty.
Then feast till the void is fulfilled.
"Diggin' in the dirt, find the places you got hurt, open up the places you got hurt." P. Gabrial
Yours;-) Paddy

11:50 PM  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm at work, so I haven't answered my comments, but I wanted to read your blog.

Contentment or happiness--they aren't the same, I don't think. I often wonder if I am capable of happiness; it seems to come in fleeting spurts and starts. I've known it. I think I may have known contentment--nah, probably not. Good to meet you.

12:47 AM  
Blogger the walking man said...

I'll tell you exactly what the fuck it is...caffeine and nicotine mixed with a healthy dose of "fuck 'em" diet.

You are where you are, so what's missing. A cigarette and a cup of real non flavored coffee, steaming hot, a chair outside where you can laugh at the idiocy of the world as it passes you by.

peace

TWM

1:25 AM  
Blogger paddy said...

You know my last comment was a bit gibberish. What I really wanted to say I can't, that's my main problem.
However, I love the way you write- full of rich symbolism. You write like you are having a conversation and you get my attention and fill me with thought. You also make me feel like I'm not alone with my thoughts. Thank you again.
Paddy

1:35 AM  
Blogger alpine path said...

This was a great post! Most of us have been through this sometime or the other. My only view on this topic is that each person has his or her own way of filling the void. We only have to search and search hard enough for it and give it the best shot.

1:42 AM  
Blogger Auld Hat said...

I, too, used to think contentment was the prize. But it's the worst form of settling that one can, well, settle for. Contentment is seeing all the pieces of your life fit together like a mosaic, true. But happiness is the grout that holds it in place. Like those fancy table tops on bistro patios, ya know? And kudos for using the word vacuity in a sentence.

2:32 AM  
Blogger `NEFTY said...

I get that a lot with chocolate;]

4:13 AM  
Blogger Rosanna said...

I can relate to this hole, also.

Like you wake up one morning and something is wrong - and there's that feeling in your stomach like something is really wrong, and things are not how they should be, or you're not with the person you should be with.

I vote drink wine.

But other than getting drunk, there's no real answer. Except many a holiday? I ran away to Europe. Seemed to work for me for a few months. All my friends forgived me while I was gone, and I got to meet lots of cute Europeans.

6:06 AM  
Blogger fifi said...

Dear Princess,
its your duende, that dark force which makes you examine everything and question it. perhaps stemming from a loss or an absence...

I have only just worked this out myself. I wondered what exactly that hole was, I tried to fill it with all the right things, yet it lives with me still. Put a harness around it, write it, sing it, paint it.
It's your creative force.

It's the one you loved most and lost. It's what makes you diffrent from the pack, makes you look and question. It's what makes you articulate this to lesser mortals, and hence, why you are a princess. ;-)

7:01 AM  
Blogger foam said...

being safely settled, being safely staid, being safely average, being safely normal, being safely safe........nothing wrong with being safe. while 'it' may be found in all of the above at certain times in our lifes sometimes 'it' comes knocking at the door when it's time to reexamine our lifes. i think of 'it' as a wake up call to figure things out...to grow...
now, if i could only figure out what the fck 'it' is?

7:25 AM  
Blogger soul&body said...

ahahhah I identify myself with you, i liked the " what the fck" :D

7:26 AM  
Blogger soul&body said...

i forgot to say something, sometimes i ask to myself why we have to study, why do we have to work and.... alll these things? why ppl fight so much for the money if in the end we are going to die an then?
as i said before i identify with you, like 3everybody does...
i always feel soemthing missind and this is a random, after u get that missing thing, one morning u wake up and realize that there is another "fck" missing! and so on..!!! why are we so ...like this!!!eheheheh ;););)

7:33 AM  
Blogger Esmerelda said...

Thanks for surfing to my blog. I'm going to make you a regular read, and I'd share my new blog address bu tyou have to e-mail me.

esmerelda05 at yahoo dot com

BTW, I have cravings all the time, Inever seem to be satisfied. I don't wnat to be happy, I want to be satisfied.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Keshi said...

oyeah I have felt that many times. It can be very frustrating!

Keshi.

9:23 AM  
Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

I think that I couldn't do to well with this one if I had to.

I'm not the type to rest on my ass if I'm not happy with something, and if that something was unidentifiable it would drive me nuts.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Shamash said...

a very realistic post to the core...
i could relate to some parts..
some connections are forged beforehand and we just follow dem..
ecclesiastical bonds we cant change

10:29 AM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

Skittles. You need a big bowl full of skittles. Wash 'em down with beer.

10:29 AM  
Blogger Nadim said...

thats life!
a restless soul!

Some people are just lucky to know what they want and some are not-so-lucky to think they have what they want! Some unlucky ones know what they want but never get it!
You fall in the not-so-unlucky category~!
the best thing to do? may be sit back and relax! who knows, you might find your soul satisfied! you can never say what the soul wants if you dont have a proper connection with it!
good luck!

11:53 AM  
Blogger Nadim said...

that sounds too deep n spiritual! but i think its true!

11:54 AM  
Blogger Priyanka Sarkar said...

i absolutely identify wit the feeling....i keep having this veyr often!!!
well written post.....

1:12 PM  
Anonymous kaylee said...

Well written post.I can definately relate to this:)

1:36 PM  
Blogger thisisme said...

I can identify with this one. I go through these phases too, where I wake up one morning and something just isn't right. It is soooooo frustrating because I know something is missing, but I've got no idea what the fck it is. I just keep trying to live my live on a day to day basis, and then I'll wake up one morning, and the feeling is gone, but I can't put a finger on why. It comes, it goes.

1:46 PM  
Blogger nel said...

oh, nooooooooo ... what the "fck". I miss being the first poster on Princess's blog again ... what the "fck" ... heh, heh, ... cheers to princess and eveybody here again ... ;)

2:18 PM  
Blogger krystyna said...

Hi Princess!
Thanks for this well-written post. I understand this feelings.
Every day brings its own most wonderful gifts we must be open and ready to untie the ribbon

Good luck to you and thanks for your kind visit.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Lizard Princess said...

If I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion-
Listen to people who have "found it".

I cannot tell you how to find it, but I can point you in the direction I went.

I can tell you in all honesty that I don't have that inner itch anymore that can't ever seem to be scratched. I don't have an ache inside me that can't be healed. I used to. It took jesus to take all that garbage away from me and to forgive me and fulfill me. Most people will reject this idea, but it's true!
Here's a great website (it's a study tool to get to know the Bible)-
click here

1:44 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

greasy pizza hut pizza usually satisfies all of my cravings and life problems :)

2:18 AM  
Blogger whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"What the fck is it?!!"

Something that plagues the thinking among us to no end. If you figure it out please clue me in.

3:52 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

The nuns had an explanation for this. Human beings, they told us, were made in God's image and likeness, and would never be content until they were in His presence in heaven. So, the little kid thinks if he can just get that shiny new bicycle, he'll be happy. But after a week the thrill is gone. The teenager thinks if he could just have that new i-pod his troubles would be over. But the thrill only lasts a few days. The pregnaqnt woman worries that something will be wrong with her baby. The baby is born perfectly healthy, and she is so grateful, for a while. But she starts to take health for granted, and to resent how tired the baby makes her.......I guess they were telling us that we will never be satisified with mere worldly things. Our hearts long for the divine. And it's undervalued in the world today . I'm not very big on organised religion, but I agree with the nuns.

11:57 AM  
Blogger Jeya Anand said...

Well .. i can fit that exactly into me...thats how i feel every alternate week...it goes on in a cycle...and i really dunno wats the causative...
that was written beautiful...

1:51 PM  
Blogger Shruti said...

HI, just a simple question with so much complex answers...thers always a 2 side of coin. or you can say 1 thing is related with terms..like happiness and sorrow, like hot and cold, like dusk and dawn..
These are all because if only one situation occur how does we able to knwo that it is so , just because of another thing associated with it, we can say so..

We keep on thinking that something is missing..becoz taday we knwo whole world but forget to know ourself...forget to spent time with ourself...we are now so much occupied with the material things that our senses wants to reveal themselves we always try to mix them with outer world...

Once we are able to make ourself aware of our inner self..our empty space will got fulfill..

I think, its too much to consume now..

Anyways, take care of urself..it do happens with everyone...

3:42 PM  
Blogger Princess Extraordinaire said...

It's a frustrating phenom...yo just can't seem to identify it yet it's all around you..are you settling for something less then what you need....or deserve.... I posted about this a few days ago....

9:52 PM  
Blogger Arcturus said...

Hi Princess Banter ...

How are you doing? Sorry I haven't posted in a while but you don't lack for comments!

Well, all I can say is that if you can't find something to fill an indescribable existential void from the local 7-11, then clearly you've extended your expectations beyond the event horizon of life ...

More to the point, those feelings are really probably just hardwired into humans pyschologically, evolutionarily. Maybe it all stems from the realization of one's finititude (is that a word?) in an infinite Universe.

5:48 AM  
Blogger Shamash said...

nice to read ur post after a loong time...

contentment is such a fuzzy word what contenst me may not be for u..
when i tell people im not cut out fo the corporate job im laughed at they think money wont be made but then im content teaching.. i guess people will have to understand

8:44 PM  
Blogger Glamorous Redneck said...

I know that feeling too! I never really find what's missing, either. The feeling usually just disappears after a week or so of "What the heck?"

3:13 AM  
Blogger nasia said...

I think the answer is to just to do something which has a far fetched result. Void fills up when we work towards something whole heartedly.
Very well written..

8:18 AM  
Blogger Cuckoo said...

How beautifully you've written this.

I can very well relate to it. Sometimes it just so happens....

4:22 PM  

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