Comments on Princess Banter: Hey Spanky!

We weren't spanked much as kids but when we were i...

2007-08-17T12:29:00.000+08:00

We weren't spanked much as kids but when we were it was memorable. The whip was hanging in the parent's closet and they knew how to use it. After enough was enough, they'd tell us to go upstairs and get undressed. Then we knew we were going to get it.

All this talk about spanking seems kinda kinky to ...

2007-07-08T06:28:00.000+08:00

All this talk about spanking seems kinda kinky to me!

I guess theres so much insight into the article. T...

2007-07-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

I guess theres so much insight into the article. Thoughtful i must say and yes ....some facts are painful, but when you get to see the whole picture, your thankful for it ....

Agree-able:]One thing that's horrible IS actually ...

2007-07-05T12:00:00.000+08:00

Agree-able:]

One thing that's horrible IS actually hitting children in public, but that's just my opinion.

Oh, I don't spank my kids and they are fine. I do...

2007-07-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

Oh, I don't spank my kids and they are fine. I don't think it's horrible to spank your kids, it kinda depends on how it's done, but I have been able to discipline mine without needing to spank. I've found that you can stop a kid from doing something they are not supposed to do without spanking them. Maybe my girls just have good natures or something. When my younger daughter was small she wanted to go up the steps and I just didn't let her. If she tried, I picked her up and brought her somewhere else. So, she found that she couldn't go up the steps so she stopped trying.

My younger has acted horrible in restaurants a few times and I got lots of dirty looks because I suppose I was supposed to spank her or something. Thing is, she was hungry and it was my fault and I didn't spank her because she was too small to be able to communicate in any other way. Another time, my older one threw a fit in walmart. Another dirty look from a woman who thought I should spank her but it was such unusual behaviour from her that I knew there was somthing wrong and I was right, she was sick.

I think there are many paths and they can all lead to the same goal. And as far as those people staring at me, they should have minded their own business. Of course, the incident you are describing was much different than what I'm talking about. There was obviously something major wrong.

I could not have said it better myself!!! I have ...

2007-07-04T04:58:00.000+08:00

I could not have said it better myself!!! I have 3 little ones and there is NO TALKING SENSE into them. We spank when necessary but I will tell you that the more consistant you are with it, the less you will be doing it. And one more thing...never spank in anger...that is wrong. Spank the very first time the violation occurs. Then you won't be spanking in anger or giving empty threats. Your children will learn to obey you the first time and not the fourth time. Oh, there's so much more to say but I will stop now. Great post!!!!!! You are very wise for not having children of your own!

I was a good kid...but thats how I was born. No ma...

2007-07-03T13:37:00.000+08:00

I was a good kid...but thats how I was born. No matter how good/bad the parents r, kids will be what they r born to be...trust me when I say this cos I hv seen GREAT parents with TERRIBLE kids.

Keshi.

Looking back upon my formative years, spankings we...

2007-07-02T14:19:00.000+08:00

Looking back upon my formative years, spankings were the most effective punishment available, and I don't know how parents these days can get by without them.

It's an immediate and noticeable PHYSICAL pain, that teaches a negative consequence for a negative action.

When I was old enough to understand money, my parents never spanked me. They fined me... And that was far worse than some physical pain (and at an age when I could understand it, an effective lesson about punishment in society today).

negotiating and explaining doesn't work for my kid...

2007-07-02T01:57:00.000+08:00

negotiating and explaining doesn't work for my kids. they don't take me seriously when i reasoned with them nicely. but when i started to scream and spanked them, only then they knew that i wasn't joking and won't take anymore of such nonsense. i guess every parents should know their kids well enough to decide the kind of discipline that works for them.

Wonderful!!My mom too was jst like ur parents,, th...

2007-07-01T06:50:00.000+08:00

Wonderful!!
My mom too was jst like ur parents,, that me nad my bro were very disciplined kids. we grew up to be pretty much wat we had to.. but we were good kids,, that i m sure..
But i being the soft hearted piscean i can already see myself in place of the mom u met shopping..
Come back soon!

Just for the record, while I have no problem with ...

2007-06-30T10:47:00.000+08:00

Just for the record, while I have no problem with spanking as a method of discipline other than that it is too easy and thus too many parents use it as a crutch, it really isn't necessary to deal with children small enough to be restrained and frog-marched. When I worked in a behavior center for mentally disturbed children, we never had to apply any sort of pain to our children. We simply communicated our expectations, communicated what the consequences would be, and if the child misbehaved, enforced the consequences -- up to, and including, physically restraining the child and removing him (or her) to a timeout area if necessary. A *boring* timeout area. That they weren't allowed to leave for the given amount of time. That screaming and shouting and fighting it would just extend their time there.

And if you say, "but that won't work on non-verbal children!" -- I tried it on my cats, who are certainly verbal (meow! meow! meow! meow!) but don't seem to understand a thing I tell them (or like a disobedient child simply won't listen). My grey-and-white cat no longer bites me, and my black cat no longer fights and scratches me if I place him on my shoulders to hug him and rub him. I did not spank them (spanking does not work on cats, BTW -- it merely makes them spank right back, and their claws are *sharp* as are their fangs), if they misbehaved they simply lost my attention -- I would put them down and walk away from them and wouldn't interact with them for several minutes. Since they love getting ear rubs and belly rubs, this disturbed them enough that eventually they quit doing the bad behavior.

My problem with spanking is that it's easy to overuse. If a child breaks something in the house, the correct response is not to spank him. The correct response is to make him work to "fix" it. ("fix" in quotes, because of course a very young child can't really be expected to make everything right, but the point is to match the consequence to the behavior). Spanking is something you do *after* that, when he refuses to accept the natural consequences of his actions. It isn't something to use because you're too lazy or stupid to properly teach your child that actions have consequences.

You've made some very interesting points, as have ...

2007-06-30T09:05:00.000+08:00

You've made some very interesting points, as have the many commenters. My two cents:

I don't think you have to spank in order to be a good parent or to raise children who know the word "no" and who are taught to respect others.

I'm not against spanking if parents feel that this technique works best for themselves and their children, but as a child who was never - NEVER - spanked, I can tell you that I, just as well as you, learned to respect my parents and obeyed as well -or better- than many of my spanked peers. I never - again, NEVER - threw temper tantrums in the mall, hit my parents, broke other people's property, or any of the other things that some suggest are caused by a lack of spankings.

What matters is not the method of discipline, but the consistancy and principles taught, right from a young age.

I think to believe the blanket statement that the only way to teach kids is to spank them shows a lack of creativity and perhaps - dare I say it - lazy parenting.

To point to a kid throwing a temper tantrum in a mall and say they need more spankings is totally misreading the situation. What they need is a firm hand and a consistant parent who does not allow that behavior to continue. Whether they stop it with a "spanking" or another form of discipline (and if you look into it, there are many methods which are effective)is irrelivant. The point is, they need to be told no.

A very thought-provoking post - thanks for the interesting read.

I don't remember ever being smacked but remember t...

2007-06-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

I don't remember ever being smacked but remember the threat of it. The threat was enough.

Hey Have a gr8 time buddy

2007-06-29T09:56:00.000+08:00

Hey Have a gr8 time buddy

I was never spanked as a child and I don't plan to...

2007-06-29T03:37:00.000+08:00

I was never spanked as a child and I don't plan to spank my children. I would get things taken away from me and, even at a very young age, it mattered a lot. I would get talked to and told why I was being punished and then I would be punished.

It started as being sent to my room but since i was very happy to play alone that wasn't much of a punishment. I was then sent to the bathroom and the tub toys were removed. I hated that! It was very effective.

I am sure every kid is different but I think you can raise very productive children without any physical violence.

just popped over from angry ballerina's site to sa...

2007-06-29T03:05:00.000+08:00

just popped over from angry ballerina's site to say hi and have a read!

funny, this came up the other day at work. i also have a two year old, and could never fathom hitting him. sidenote - i was never spanked. thing is, you have to hit a kid pretty hard for a spanking to have the intended effect. that chick at the mall should have removed her child - i can't get my brain around people that expect little ones that have been on the planet for a total of 900 days to behave as a fully developed adult would. then again, i work in a bar - and my two year old has better manners than half of the people that come in there - i love those that throw a fit after i card them and they've just turned 21. *sigh*

there are other ways to discipline that aren't so creepy as spanking. i mean, think about it - if i hit someone my own age, i'd be arrested for assault. but it's ok to hit someone 1/4 the size of me? bizarro.

anyhoo - nice to meet you! i'll be back!

enjoy your adventure!

In my opinion there are a lot of way to successful...

2007-06-29T02:51:00.000+08:00

In my opinion there are a lot of way to successfully discipline a child. Whatever way you choose the only part that really matters is consistency. If you use love and logic use it. Don't waver in your punishments. My niece is ruled by love and logic and now she picks her own punishments. Sure she is a brat sometimes but it never last long because as soon as she smarts up with an attitude her parents are whispering in her ear and letting her know that she can either choose to be happy and friendly or she can go home, to time out, and not get to play with her friends again any time soon. We all have to do what works for us.

Hi Princess,Well i guess there can be many other w...

2007-06-29T02:18:00.000+08:00

Hi Princess,

Well i guess there can be many other ways too to make a child understand anything or make him/her disciplined. Anyhow i enjoyed reading your casually written post :)

Have a nice trip & be careful.

Regards,

Samrina

My F-I-L said that he remembers kneeling on pebble...

2007-06-29T01:23:00.000+08:00

My F-I-L said that he remembers kneeling on pebbles as punishment when growing up in the Ukraine.
I think the people who need spanking the most are the adults who allow their children to run amok....

screaming and kicking kiddoes in the shopping cent...

2007-06-28T21:50:00.000+08:00

screaming and kicking kiddoes in the shopping center - the horrer!

Awww you have a great trip and do tell the stories once your back!

Cheers!

have a great holiday!! it seems to be take-off per...

2007-06-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

have a great holiday!! it seems to be take-off period of the year. And i'm jsut back. Thanks gor dropping by.

Hey Princess, Have a good trip! I'm going to have ...

2007-06-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

Hey Princess,

Have a good trip! I'm going to have to be one of the people who disagrees with you though. As a shy child I know that had my parents spanked me I would have been a very, very, different person and I don't know that I would have come through it alright.

The example that you give of that girl isn't a fair one I don't think- this is a little girl who, from her mother's reaction, has had little to no discipline in her life and because of this would reasonably lash out against it.

I think that for me, teaching children that they shouldn't do something because they'll get hurt if they do misses the point. Does it stop the behavior? Sure, and if that's the only concern then physical punishment probably wouldn't be looked down upon. But physical punishment doesn't teach the "Why".

And I'm not talking about high level reasoning here, but "Because yelling scares other people- do you know how it feels like to be scared? It feels bad to feel like that, right? Would you like to make someone feel like that?" is not at all a line of reasoning that's outside of the grasp of a two year old.

Spanking this little girl wouldn't explain to her why freaking out in the supermarket isn't good- and not just why it isn't good for a three year old, but why it's not good for anyone. You're right, you couldn't talk to her about it then- just like you can't talk sense to an adult in a road rage confrontation. But I don't think that anyone would argue that physically disciplining someone in a road rage would knock some sense into them- even if it was done by the police. And there's a basic logic to that extends to our children.

I think the problem with spanking is that many people have trouble expressing themselves and it's frankly much easier to spank than to explain once your child is out of the upsetting situation. While your parents might have used it as part of a measured approach to discipline, I would caution your encouragement because I doubt many are as tempered.

In my opinion we need to teach the "why"s behind desirable and non-desirable behavior. If the reason we don't act out only extends to "because I'll get spanked" then once children are too old to be physically disciplined, or are large enough to defend themselves or evade, how are we to reason with them if we haven't taught them that reason is the answer?

down the time line..we shal ur kids writinga simil...

2007-06-28T17:24:00.000+08:00

down the time line..we shal ur kids writinga similar post on goods of spanking...
till then happy spanking
lol
:)
happy vacations!!!!

very true!! children do need proper disciplinary a...

2007-06-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

very true!! children do need proper disciplinary actions...else we will just have more adolecent deliquents amidst us...

couldn't agree more!! do come back soon from the vacation with a post!!

waiting for your next one! :-)

ha... spanking... wen i was young, discipline was ...

2007-06-27T15:06:00.000+08:00

ha... spanking... wen i was young, discipline was the first and last word at home.
I remember how every1 in our parish used to be fascinated with the parents of th 6 month old kid who used to sit without making any noise or feeling hungry for the length of the 2 hr service. wat they didn know was that mom would pinch our undersides the moment we decided we were going to act our age by bawling :)
later on, it was grounding. you are not singing in that choir because you didn get enough mnarks for Hindi i remember, that was when i got a chance to sing the lead, for a school play, and i was just 10 yrs old, and Hindi i still dont know.. Im not sure i will use those kind of punishments with my kids, if at all.
but net net, i was better off for all the punishments, and if i grow kids thisll be the only way.

hav a fun vac, hope it doesnt get washed out. had a wonderfull flood all around my house, wen i went home this weekend...